Gift Horses Have More Fun
So, lately I’ve been thinking of leasing a horse. Hey, stop laughing.
No really, stop.
In my day, which was about two years, five months ago, I used to ride horses rather a lot. English, if you please, over large jumps. And now that I’m an equestrian portrait artiste seeing all these horses makes me want to get back into it. So, as I said, I’m thinking of leasing a horse.
What’s the big deal, I hear you asking. Well, leasing a horse is not like leasing a car. Not unless you’ve ever asked these questions of a car dealership:
1) Will this Mazda open its doors into my husband’s car or otherwise try to damage it if they are parked too close in the garage?
2) Does the blue Honda Civic over there ever chew on parking meters if left parked too long?
3) I have a two year old daughter, so safety is important to me. Is this Mercedes afraid of crowds? Back over people if you approach it too suddenly?
4) When was the last time you drove this car? Does it require an experienced driver?
Because the last thing you want to end up with is a psycho monster horse beast with three legs.*
*like my last one
And the sad fact is that, despite what Disney might have you believe, 75% of all horses are indeed psycho monster horse beasts with three or so legs. And the rest are $25,000. Most of the leases I’m looking at are higher than my car payment. I’m thinking of checking myself into a psychiatric ward. Or a debtor’s prison, whichever one has better sweet tea.
Anyway, long story short, I will continue to page through classifieds in search of more misleading ads and wander stall aisles in search of horses without the personality of Fidel Castro. Or perhaps I’ll place a classified ad of my own:
WANTED: Experienced rider with empty wallet seeking lease horse for dressage and jumping. Must not have death wish. Must not have homicidal urges towards man or beast. Must be able to stand still. Must be on fewer medications than my aunt that nobody talks about.
Any takers?
Links for this Post:
Leasing a Horse (does not mention how test-riding is taking your life into your hands)
Drawing of Demon Horse
Person Who Was Stepped on By Elephant, which have bigger feet than horses, but still . . .
No really, stop.
In my day, which was about two years, five months ago, I used to ride horses rather a lot. English, if you please, over large jumps. And now that I’m an equestrian portrait artiste seeing all these horses makes me want to get back into it. So, as I said, I’m thinking of leasing a horse.
What’s the big deal, I hear you asking. Well, leasing a horse is not like leasing a car. Not unless you’ve ever asked these questions of a car dealership:
1) Will this Mazda open its doors into my husband’s car or otherwise try to damage it if they are parked too close in the garage?
2) Does the blue Honda Civic over there ever chew on parking meters if left parked too long?
3) I have a two year old daughter, so safety is important to me. Is this Mercedes afraid of crowds? Back over people if you approach it too suddenly?
4) When was the last time you drove this car? Does it require an experienced driver?
Because the last thing you want to end up with is a psycho monster horse beast with three legs.*
*like my last one
And the sad fact is that, despite what Disney might have you believe, 75% of all horses are indeed psycho monster horse beasts with three or so legs. And the rest are $25,000. Most of the leases I’m looking at are higher than my car payment. I’m thinking of checking myself into a psychiatric ward. Or a debtor’s prison, whichever one has better sweet tea.
Anyway, long story short, I will continue to page through classifieds in search of more misleading ads and wander stall aisles in search of horses without the personality of Fidel Castro. Or perhaps I’ll place a classified ad of my own:
WANTED: Experienced rider with empty wallet seeking lease horse for dressage and jumping. Must not have death wish. Must not have homicidal urges towards man or beast. Must be able to stand still. Must be on fewer medications than my aunt that nobody talks about.
Any takers?
Links for this Post:
Leasing a Horse (does not mention how test-riding is taking your life into your hands)
Drawing of Demon Horse
Person Who Was Stepped on By Elephant, which have bigger feet than horses, but still . . .
posted by Maggie Stiefvater at 10:53 PM
4 Comments:
She's baccck!!!!! And wow, it had to be those two wisdom teeth that were blocking the kharma flow. World, look out, Maggie's back in town!!
Well - cough - back in town until tomorrow, when I go to Myrtle Beach. But, yeah, the non wisdom teeth impaired Maggie will be back in town for good next Thursday.
Wish I were closer Maggie and we'd have a deal. I'm selling my last horse now as time and my husband's physical ability is no longer present to look after her well.
Oh, Jeanette, no fair . . . I imagine your horse probably has all of its legs and few homicidal urges even. I live in the middle of horsey country, right? It should be easy . . . HA!
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